Kickin' Arse
by Malenaa
Summary: Sabe is unhappy, she hates her job, hates her allergies and her boyfriends been cheating on her. **I like to brake the mold too but there will be appearances from a familiar jedi cuz it just works so well**
1. Amibitch

Lots of things run. Engines run, eggs can be too runny, my boyfriend runs daily from the guards. Well almost daily. But right now the verb run can be used to describe something entirely different. Right now what is running is my GOD DAMN nose. 

     I'm sitting in the healer's office waiting. I've been waiting for nearly an hour now all because my stupid, ugly, nose is running. Tissues litter my lap and the table next to me. Poor table. So pretty and so weighed down by nasty virus and Sabe drippings. 

     I'm here for the third time this week all because the healer feels it necessary to ogle my ass---excuse me, UPDATE me on my --um condition every other day. That's right, the healer is a horny little bastard. He and I both know that it's _just_ a virus that just _happened_ to hit during prime allergy season making my nose run all the more. Sadly I'm allergic to nearly 43 different things on Naboo alone and happen to get itchy and sneezy in a way that is extreme when compared to others. This gives Dr. Humperlot--I swear that's his name-- the chance to have his nurses make a fuss over me, stick me on an examination table in a VERY sheer paper gown and allows him to then stare at my cleavage. You may ask why I continue to allow this to happen and my only answer is that I have no choice. My weekly visits to see Dr. Humperlot have been ordered by none other than the Queen herself, that bitch. 

     One day I was sitting in the throne room in the yellow dress that I love soooooo dearly (bullshit). Anyway, I had noticed the itchy sensation in the back of my throat signaling a coming allergy attack. My eyes started to water and itch, my skin felt like a thousand bugs were attacking and leaving their own tiny mounds of irritation for me to enjoy later. My sinuses started to hurt and the pressure gave me the feeling that an explosion would be taking place within moments. All this left me mortified. A handmaiden by definition assists her lady with small menial tasks and yet also shows support and defense blah blah blah. They are to be silent and ever present never showing any sign of weakness that might take attention away from the queen yada yada yada. Therefore a giant, loud, wet, disgusting sneeze in a silent, dignified and beautiful hall was not an option. My mind ordered, yelled, screamed at my nose, telling it to stop its whining and control itself. I tried to separate mind from body in the hopes that it wouldn't happen. I instead focused on some argument between Amidala and some VERY ugly creature on the screen in front of her. It was getting pretty intense, Padme looked really pissed off.. It was getting to a key moment when the floodgates opened, the alarms went off, the fat lady sang and my nose exploded. 

     In the space of 5 seconds everything stopped. Everyone ceased conversation, came out of whatever daydream was being used to entertain their minds, and stared at me. I looked up sheepishly and immediately locked eyes with Amidala. 

     "Excuse me, you're Highness, please forgive the interruption, it will not happen--" as if on cue the flood gates opened, the alarms went off and the fat lady sang with a loud SNEEZE "again" I ended quietly. OMG I was mortified. I wanted to cry. Amidala silently nodded and turned continuing her argument. She reduced her voice to a light yet stern tone that attempted to hide her seething anger that had built up all day. 

     "As I was saying King Yaagen the shipments that we have been sending to you are not poisoned or contaminated in any way. I assure you it is not Naboo's wish to do any harm to your people and the other natural resources of Schmaagen." Amidala spoke gently but firmly.

     "Amidala I remember when we were younger," the King began, taking on a less formal tone," I was your escort to a ball held on Alderaan I believe. There was quite a lot of alcohol at the ball and I remember remarking to you that I never drank because I had found early on that I had a very low tolerance for it. You then answered that you found the taste of any alcoholic beverage disgusting." Amidala nodded with a quizzical expression wondering where this was going. 

     "Later you excused yourself and left to get something to drink, for the both of us," King Yaagen continued, "You brought back two glasses and assured me that there wasn't anything in it but fruit juice and water. I laughed at your comment and you smiled back innocently before taking a sip of your drink. The next thing I remember was waking up on a couch feeling as though I might die at any moment. It seems to me, my darling Queen that we are in the same situation here again. Please, tell me, how am I supposed to be "assured" that there is nothing in these shipments when I know that it has been your express wish to have me black out in the past?" He asked with a smile on his face. Amidala looked severely perturbed. Score one for ugly boy. Hey if you gotta be THAT ugly then you better have SOMETHING else going for you.  

     "I am ashamed that you would dare to bring your personal life into a matter concerning your people, but if you must, I will assure you, " she said in a mocking tone, ooooooo it was getting juicy but then I felt the tingling sensation beginning once again, " that I know," SNEEZE, "nothing," SNEEZE, "of this event and find that you are recounting," SNEEZE, "false events in order to accuse my planet of something in which it is completely" SNEEZE, "OH BY THE FORCE THAT'S IT!!!!!!!" Amidala finally screamed. Whipping around in her chair she almost lost her headdress, "SABE, get your sneezing under control or get out of my throne room!" She turned around; leaving me mortified, and took a deep breath. Having collected herself she began to open her mouth to apologize and I felt it again. Rabe also saw me, along with the other handmaidens who all stared nervously at my nose praying to whatever gods there were that my nose was in fact under control. I finally released a breath and looked at them as if to say "please don't worry about me, it's alright, won't happen again" they let out a collective sigh of relief but too soon because all at once the loudest sneeze, felt miles away, erupted from my now very red nose. 

     I'm sure that none of you have ever come across an angry bantha, I haven't either but if I were to imagine that event I would easily compare its rage to that showing on Amidala's face as she turned slowly in her chair. She was mad, very mad and when that bitch gets mad wooooooohoooooo you don't want to know her. She may be small but dude that girl can kick some serious ass. Luckily she had been coached on controlling her anger but none of that coaching could save me now and she was visibly shaking as she tried to keep from attacking me right there. 

     "Sabe," she spoke in a voice underscored by extreme rage.

     "Yes Your Highness" I replied innocently. 

     "I would like for you to leave the throne room at once!" she ordered. I didn't waste any time with pleasantries and practically ran to the door behind which I knew that I might sneeze freely. The heavy ornate door could not have slid open faster and I closed it as quickly as possible before relaxing in the safe haven known as my personal quarters. 


	2. Most Miserable Girl in the World

Part 2

I know I know, all this fuss for nothing more than a simple sneeze. It all seems ridiculous doesn't it? I totally agree with you. All throughout my childhood I hated this crap. Ok sure I would wear the dress, I love dresses actually but I can't stand formailities. It doesn't DO anything. Why not just tell the ugly ass freak to go to hell and maybe clean up some of that goo around his eyes every now and then. As for the court, wouldn't it make more sense and have a greater affect if done in a small setting where everyone was the same? Intimidation doesn't do anything but f"" things up. 

            After the sneezing incident the Queen came to me. I had left for a walk throughout the palace and thought I was alone when none other than the Queen herself approached me. It was a few hours after the "Massive Amidala PMS Attack" and we had both calmed down considerably. Her severe make up and hair were gone and I was comforted by the fact that I stood a full inch taller than her when not in ceremonial garb. 

            "Sabe, I want to speak to you," she said.

            "Yes Your Highness," I replied slowly and carefully as if one word would shatter the calm that had fallen over her.

            "I expect you, above everyone else to know the rules." She stopped and looked up at me as if expecting her words to move the earth. " You are head of the handmaidens. You have power. But I worry that you don't know what to do with this power. Let's face it Sabe, you're here because you have um-special abilities. You're not particularly pretty, your etiquette is atrocious, and well you don't come from the best of families. You need to put up a good front, that's what you do, that's your job. Now don't worry, I'm going to help you do this job. I'm sending you to my personal physician. He'll stop this sneezing and then perhaps we can work on some…" she stopped and looked at my ratty hair, slouching posture, and nervous fidgeting, "other things." She ended. Oh yeah, thanks for the help miss priss. How dare she insult my family! God I hated this city. She handed me a data pad and sent me off to my first visit with the horny doctor. 

And so this takes us back to where I started. 

Back in Dr. Humperlot's office it's now been a full two hours since I first walked in. This is getting very boring. The only things that pass the time are thoughts of my very attractive boyfriend Geranto. I really am lucky; he's wanted by lots of girls. He's a typical Nubian with dark hair, dark eyes, and rather tan skin. He has just the slightest hint of a beard that makes him look like the kind never to take home to mommy. He has the softest lips on the planet, made for kissing and he does that well too. I've never met anyone so seductive; just one look at him will send you spiraling into fantasies involving chocolate and red lingerie. But it's not only that. Geranto is everything the opposite of  everything I hate. He's reckless, he's a bad boy and there is something so unbelievably sexy about a hot man that loves to get caught, mmmmm. He plans on doing nothing but enjoying every single minute of every single day. Something about that just makes me want him all the more. 

"Handmaiden Sabe," I hear from the door to my left. Looking up I see the large crooked nose of Dr. Humperlot poking out from his old wrinkly face. He couldn't be more than 45, but he certainly didn't win the genetic lottery. 

"Yes doctor," I respond as I rise from my chair. I turn in time to catch the slightest hint of a smile as he takes in a view of my ass. 

My word he's disgusting. 

I follow him back through the long hallway till we reach an examination room. He opens the door for me and I see the same practically see through paper gown awaiting my presence. 

"I'll leave you alone now, Sabe. Please put on the gown, you know the drill. But hurry up, I'll be back soon and wouldn't want to walk in on anything…that I shouldn't see." He says with a chuckle. I give a small smile back, hoping that it masks my extreme discomfort with the entire situation. He nods to me before closing the door and I let out a sigh of relief. I begin to take off my robe while observing the contents of the room surrounding me. 

The table and scale are still there, along with the Bacta patches to the left of me. All of the bottles and tinctures are lined up in their colorful little rows on the cabinet beside me; they're the only color taking away from the otherwise sterile walls. A sudden curiosity comes from nowhere and tells me to look at those little bottles. And so I do. Turning them around I see the familiar names of pain relievers and antibiotics that I've taken before. All are labeled except the two clear bottles in the right hand corner. These are the ones that Dr. Humperlot regularly injects me with during these friendly little doctors' visits. 

My heart stops in my chest as I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. Realizing that I'm not quite in my paper gown yet I scurry around the room in order to make sure that Dr. Humpalot won't see anything that he shouldn't. Tying the final ribbon of the gown I hop onto the examination table the moment before the door opens.  

"Well then, let's take a look at you," he says looking a tad disappointed that I've dressed so quickly. He opens my mouth and shines a light into it while I say AHHHHHHHHH for an entire minute. He oo's and ah's before turning off the light and commenting on what a lovely mouth I have. While I'm still pondering what that means he runs through a number of different tests before announcing that I'll be fine in a few weeks if he just gives me one more injection of his special medicine. He then leaves me terrified while pondering what that means before pricking my arm with a needle filled with the clear serum on the wall. Finally it's over and I'm allowed to leave. I practically skip down the hallway before nodding a goodbye to the droid at the counter. 

One of the only perks to being a handmaiden is the private apartment we're allowed to occupy anywhere in the city. Turst me I would so not make it if not for my own stuff. I chose mine right near a big park and next to the largest shopping district in order to be in the middle of everything. It was rather expensive but Panaka thought it would "Assist one with their alternate identity that is a VITAL role in Naboo polotics blah blah blah blah," 

That's right, I'm Sabe: Handmaiden by day, expert retail saleswoman by night. Well that's not really true, I don't work at night, only every few days. It has to be enough to keep up the appearance that I'm just a normal person and not some freaky Handmaiden that knows how to fight and all that crap. It has to appear that I know nothing about that nasty alien pissing off the Amibitch or the gossip about Prince this or that or how could of a kisser the AMIBITCH thought he was. 

Having changed before leaving the palace I'm now wearing a low cut, simple light blue dress. It's one of the newest fashions and what any retail girl worth her salt would be wearing this season. To tell you the truth it's nothing like me. I'm not a total tomboy but I really couldn't care less about who it's made by, which store it came from and how much it cost the palace to buy for me. My hair is half up with the top ponytail braided, the rest of my hair is allowed freely down my back for the first time all day. I'm wearing more make up than I ever knew I had, but I have to play my part convincingly or else face the consequences. 

The white of my apartment building causes it to stick out like a bright light in the midst of the river that laps up against its north entrance. The gondola comes to a sharp stop and bobs up and down as I attempt to step out of it and onto the stone steps leading to my door. I walk up the long staircase finally coming to my apartment. 

"Good evening Miss Awree Clemine,"says the droid standing guard in the hall. Nice name isn't huh? I hate it; Sabe fits me much better then Awree. Who names their daughter something that can be shortened to Aw? How ugly. 

Sliding the key into the lock I open the door and practically throw myself inside. 

I'm home. This is my sanctuary. My floors are all wood, very pretty, very expensive, pretty sweet for someone that makes no money. I got to paint my walls all different colors too. I like bright stuff. Up north where I'm from we paint everything red, orange, yellow, BRIGHT blue and I had to replacate that here. I have blankets everywhere, pillows everywhere, pretty bold paintings everywhere. I love it. 

Allowing my still somewhat childish side to show through, I run and jump onto the couch surrendering to the day from hell. All I want is some hot Jerub water, a blanket, a holo and my boyfriend to cuddle with. There's only one problem. I don't think I can get up off the couch. 

"MMM too comfy," I say into a pillow. I lay back and think about how difficult it would be to gather all those things into one place. I begin to fall into a trance like state, halfway asleep yet still alert when I hear a noise. 

Scared out of my mind, I grab my standard issue Royal Blaster out of my bag and begin to move towards my hallway. Luckily there is nothing in the bathroom. Moving on I begin to hear voices coming from my… NO WAY, from my bedroom? 

"Oh god," I whisper to myself before standing right in front of my door. It's not like I haven't done this before. The blaster in my hand has become like a relative to me, but if someone is here it might mean that they know more about Awree Clemine than anyone else expects. I take a deep breath and prepare for a swift kick to the door. Gathering all my energy I use one of my familiar moves to kick open the door before settling into a defensive position. 

"GERANTO?" I scream seeing the familiar bearded rogue lying on my bed. 

"Hi honey," he manages through his surprise. A terrified look plays across his face and it's then that I notice his state of undress. Confusion floods both of our faces as I look from him to the blonde hair peeking out from under the covers. His eyes go from my blaster to the royal seal on its handle before he speaks. 

"What is that in your hand Aw?" he asks. I look down not wanting to answer. "Why do you have something--," he stops and looks down before adding, "royal?" I'm scared because I don't know what to do. Why would a simple sales girl have a Nubian blaster? But before I let it go to far anger wells up inside of me. 

My sexy Geranto, my sexy amazing Geranto is sleeping with someone else? All this time, all the amazing times and he doesn't want me anymore? Do you know that feeling when you get all tingly but not in a good way, you feel this gut wrenching horrible feeling that's almost like adrenaline but just bad? God, I hate that. I hate it every time. I've been the victim before. I've been made a fool of and I hate it. Thoughts are rushing through my brain now and I hear the echo of a conversation I've had before 'Next time why don't you tell them off like you've always wanted to' it says to me. Evaluating the situation I realize that here I am, a nice little salesgirl with a boyfriend that's CHEATING on her and not only that but he's asking her questions when she should be kicking him out. 

"Aw," he says breaking me from my thoughts. That one drawn out nickname pushes some button deep down inside of me and I turn from nice little girl to BITCH HANDMAIDEN that can handle Amifrickindala and certainly Skanky Ho Geranto.  

"SHUT UP! Don't call me that, I hate that name!" I yell responding to the nickname. Listen, I'm already going to tell everyone I know about the inadequate length of your "member", don't make me shoot it off!" I threaten moving the blaster southward. If I weren't so pissed I might even laugh. 

"You wouldn't do tha—," he feigns fright.

"Oh hell yes I would! Don't think I haven't done it before." I assure him. He gets scared and starts getting his stuff together before running past me and out of my house for the last time. He and his blonde bitch make their way out of my bedroom. 

"Who are you?" he half yells when he's down the hall. It's all the strength I can muster to keep me from collapsing until I know he's gone. Sighing I collapse to the floor and bury my head in my in my knees. Tears sting my eyes and leak down my cheeks. I feel a familiar tingling sensation starting between my eyes and before I know it the fat lady is singing, and I'm sneezing like a crazy woman. 

"Who am I?" I whisper to myself. "The most miserable Nubian in the whole galaxy!" I cry before collapsing back onto my lonely couch and crying myself to sleep.


	3. Alane Jonaka

"Sabe, time to wake up sweetie" speaks a sugary voice. 

"Few more minutes Mom, just few more, few minutes…" I say lazily hugging my pillow. 

"Sabe, honey, I know about what happened behind that tree with Dobbie Zerkison and I thought we should talk about—" 

"WHAT?" I yell shooting up from my couch. I hardly have time to react before I'm banging heads with my unexpecting victim. 

"RABE!" I yell at the brunette now giggling uncontrollably on the floor. 

"Ouch that hurt Sab," she gasps through her laughter. 

"Oh shut up," I snap back while trying to hide my almost uncontrollable smile. 

"What kind of name is Dobbie Zerkison anyway? You northerners and your weird, unrefined names," she teases. 

"Oh excuse me Miss Perfect, and it was only his name that was odd. Everything else, and I mean everything, was just fine," I reply with a wicked grin. 

"Well, at least I have you smiling, good way to start off today if you ask me." She says with sincerity. 

"You heard, huh?" I ask. She nods her head and looks at me with sympathy. "You should have seen the look on his face when I walked in. He looked so terrified to see me. He wasn't happy, wasn't excited, wasn't even indifferent. He was terrified. You know, when I saw him half naked, I honestly thought he might be trying to surprise me. But that look of pure and utter fright made me want to curl up and die," I stop when I begin feeling a stinging in my eyes. 

"Oh Sabe, go ahead, it feels good to cry. Look at me, I cry all the time, remember when that little, furry, Yppup, got lost in that holo? Gets me every time," she says and I begin to see tears welling up in her eyes even as she laughs at herself.

"Rabe, they found her in the end, remember?" I remind her between my own sobs. 

"I know, I know, but that poor little thing, all alone, without it's mom because they kill her in the first scene—" she breaks off and we both look at each other realizing the hilarity of the situation. We're both crying on the ground between bouts of laughter, all of the emotions mixing into one. 

"I love you Rab, you're my best friend in the entire galaxy," I tell her while wiping my eyes. 

"Oh Sab I love you too!" she tells me as she hugs me. "Don't worry, we're going to get you over that loser and we're going to find that chick and beat her up and we're going to buy lots and lots of chocolate and we're going to eat ALL of it." She declares before standing up. 

"All in one day?" I ask enjoying this thoouroughly. 

Rabe replies with a smile, "Well at least the chocolate part. Now go, get dressed, I'll go burn your sheets…

"I would have kicked her slutty butt right then and there," Rabe says in a mocking tone. 

            "I totally should have, ugh and she was blonde too," I say disgustedly. 

            "That's right, Sabe we all know it's your job to PROVE that blondes do NOT have more fun!" Rabe yells rather loudly. A few brunettes turn our way and smile. I pull Rabe by the arm rather roughly. "What?" she asks innocently. 

            "First," I begin after lowering my voice, "my name is not Sabe, well it is, but not out here, got it?" she claps her hand over her mouth and nods profusely, "Good. Second, Rabe do you have any idea how embarrassing you are?" I add laughing at her. 

            "Hey that's Miss Alane Jonaka to you missy!" She whispers back. 

            "Oh you're good, real good," I joke. We turn a corner and head for the park where we'll eat our chocolate. An undercover guard is walking out of a store and we wave to him recognizing him as one of Panaka's first officers. I think he plays a mechanic outside the palace, but I know him as the best shot in the competition last year, excluding me of course.  I tense up as I remember something that I haven't revealed to the Rabster yet. 

            "Um Alane, I have to tell you something else about what happened with Geranto," I say nervously. 

            "Shoot," she says not looking up. 

            "Yeah well it kind of has something to do with that whole shoot comment actually," I reply trying to delay. 

            "Um, yes you make no sense," she says looking at me strangely. "Come on tell Auntie Alane," she jokes.

            "Ok, well um, at first I thought it was a robber in the aparment so I was on my guard and when I went back there I automatically took something else with me. Then I broke down the door with a Jamuzzi Switchkick and got into a defensive position like the one I taught you the other day and then…Rab, he saw my blaster," I say speaking faster than I thought possible. 

            "He did, die he?" she says without expression.

            "Well see, I really thought I was in danger and I took my blaster with me without even thinking about it and he was shocked. But then he wouldn't leave so I pointed it at his thingy and said that if he didn't leave soon I would make sure that it wouldn't be there much longer and then he got scared and that's when he left. He even said 'Who are you?' while running down the hall and my cover is totally blown. " I let out without taking a breath. 

Rabe sat there for a bit. We'd reached the park and were sitting next to the tiny, but clear creek that looked beautifully out of place next to perfectly trimmed grass. I could tell she was deep in thought by the way she was absent mindedly playing with a loose string on her skirt. This was a bad situation. If it was ever leaked to the public that nearly a fifth of their population were undercover guards, well, Naboo wouldn't trust it's government any more. 

After being silent for about a minute Rabe finally looks up at me and says with an air of complete honesty,"You should have shot it off." 

I sit there staring at her as a gigantic smile forms on her face. 

            "I would have," she adds matter of factly. 

            "I can't believe you aren't yelling at me, or lecturing me or freaking out about what to do next.  What's wrong with you? Is it the chocolate? No more chocolate for you!" I say grabbing the bag out of her hand. 

            "Well I suppose it could be a big deal, a gigantic deal really, one of mammoth proportions that could change everything. Maybe you really screwed up and should be taken away or kicked out and sent off to Tatooine where you'll be put into a metal bikini and forced to serve your master in more ways than you can imagine.  Dr. Humperlot would be preferable if you know what I mean. And maybe you'll live this way until by some off chance a gorgeous Jedi arrives and saves you. Maybe he'll free you from captivity and you'll reward him with a night of heated passion before being sent back here. Of course then it would be very lonely because I won't be here anymore. I will have married a gorgeous pilot and will be living in the manner in which I plan on becoming accustomed to on Coruscant. You'll be considered an old maid at this point and you'll end up living out your days as a very old salesgirl." She says with complete sincerity. 

            "Oh my god, my life is over," I say groaning at her story and lying back onto the grass in defeat. . 

            "Well, maybe. Or, I might know something that you don't," she says with a mischevious twinkle in her eye. 

            "What?" I ask looking up and shielding my eyes from the sun. 

            "You haven't checked your mail today have you?" she continues.

            "I hate it when you draw things out, just tell me." I say with my eyes closed enjoying my sunbathing. 

            "Oh you are no fun! Ok, well, this morning I got a notice to be on the look out for a certain skanky ho known as Geranto." She finally reveals. "That rhymed, I own the universe!"

            "What?" I say dumbfounded. 

            "Ok, they didn't call him a skanky ho in the actual memo but they did say that he's been doing some bad things behind everyone's back, not just yours. Basically they think that he's been involved in several attempted robberies down by the palace. It's very scandalous actually. We're supposed to be looking for him right now. Anyway, my point is that your life could be over, or we could arrest this son of a bitch and you'll be out of trouble." She reasons. 

            "What an idiot! Like we can't catch him. Like everything in the palace isn't guarded by a million droids. 


	4. To Forgive but Definantly NOT Forget

            I've never noticed how cold, dark, and ominous this building is. It'd old, not just in design but in honest to god age. You could do anything here and nobody would ever find out. Perhaps that's why he lives here. It never occurred to me before but knowing what I know now leads me to believe that he runs a crime ring of mammoth proportions. 

I don't want to do this. It's too much. Maybe a week from now would be ok. I know I'm really mad, and I was riding that wave of disgust all the way here, from this afternoon on. But suddenly my support is gone. 

Ok, time to breath, time to reach up and touch that buzzer right now. Why am I doing this again? First rule of surprise visits; don't talk about surprise visits. Second rule of surprise visits; well you know where I'm going with this one. Third rule of surprise visits; don't get emotionally involved. 

I'm so stupid, what am I doing? This won't work. 

            "Ok," I whisper to nobody else but myself. "Give me a sign. Should I knock on that door?" Nothing happens. "Are you sure?" I ask again. Nothing happens. "Ok, this is kind of important here, whatever deity is out there, the force even, I'm calling on you now. Should I knock on that door?" I whisper getting very frustrated. But before anything, anywhere, gives me any kind of sign, the door opens. 

"Awree?" says the voice in a surprised manner.

"Um, hi Geranto," I say meekly. 

"I thought I heard something out here, I just wanted to check and here you are." He says acting pleased. "Come in, you must be cold out there and we really need to talk. "

"Yeah, you know that's what I came here for, to talk ….only, that's it. Thought we needed to have a nice conversation." I say nervously. 

"Quite. May I take your cloak?" he asks.  I realize that I'm hugging my cloak to myself as if it's a safety net situated next to a plunging metaphorical cliff. 

"No, thank you," I say quickly, "I'm just getting over this cold and you know it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Suit yourself. Please sit down." He says gesturing to the couch. I sit and he sits next to me and stares. "I like your hair that way, it looks very…athletic." He says of the two long braids that have been wrapped around my head in a sort of headband. 

"Thank you, I do find it easier to jog when I'm able to keep it out of my face." I say.

"You jog?" he asks, " I always wondered how you kept in such good shape," he says putting a hand on my cloak-covered thigh. I blush and silently rejoice knowing that my plan is working. I know this man too well. 

"I'm glad you're ok with this. You know I just wanted to come over and make sure that you knew that I forgive you. We all make mistakes. And about that whole blaster thing, I didn't want to tell you this but I kind of stole it. The manager down at the store had it, she said someone had left it there or something, and I just wanted to borrow if for a bit. You know how we used to shoot out on my farm all the time; I guess it just reminded me of home. " I say and move in a little closer. 

"Of course," he agrees, " you know she was nothing compared to you," he says sleazily. 

"I've missed you," I reply back before crushing my mouth down onto his. I force him back onto the couch and he wraps his arms around me. 

Realizing that his arms could be a problem I take them and raise them above his head. "Let me do all the work," I say. I begin to move down his body and am just about to unbutton his pants when I decide it's time for action. 

"Hey, Geranto?" I say.

"Yes," he replies breathlessly. 

"If she wasn't anything compared to me, why did you sleep with her?" I say roughly. The sight that meets Geranto's half-closed eyes is one that I hope he will remember till the day he dies. I have now shed my cloak and am clad in my black jumpsuit. A holster encircles my waist but its companion is out and pointed right in Geranto's very shocked face. 

On cue Rabe bursts through the door. She walks over to the window and closes the blinds before locking the door. 

"You," I continue, "are under arrest." I yell at Geranto with a gigantic smile. 

"What is going on here? You can't arrest me! If I knew you were going to take it this hard I never would have slept with that chick." He yells. He tries to get free from my grasp but Rabe quickly steps in with hand rings and locks them behind his back. He looks from me to Rabe before saying," this is just some kinky fantasy thing isn't it. Alane? Is that you? I always thought you had a thing for me." He can barely get the words out of his mouth before Rabe's blaster is out, powered up and pointing at him as well. 

"Do you see the side of my blaster?" she yells at him, "Cocksucker, does it seem odd to you that both of them have a royal seal on the side? Sabe you were right he is a dumbass." She says to me. 

"Sabe?" Geranto says quickly. "Who the hell are you people?"

"You really want to know?" I ask. He nods. "YOU screwed up. Ya know those handmaidens you're always seeing on the Holonet. Ya know the ones that you thought would give good –," 

"Oh I know he did not say that! Sabe please let me shoot if off now that he's all vulnerable," Rabe says exasperated. 

"Rabe I think they're here, go tell the transport all the information, k?" I ask trying to get her out of the room. She looks at me mad, takes her gun away from Geranto and walks out the door. 

"As I was saying, Rabe and I are Handmaidens, so those hot girls you could only see wearing heacy cloaks were actually me, Alane, and some other girls. There was a message sent out that you were a suspect in some robberies going down at the palace and I thought it would be a nice idea to get a little closure ya know."

He sits there for about five minutes in complete silence just staring at me. The smile on my face is one unparalleled by any ever shown on my face. 

"Whew, felt good to get that out," I say.

"Hey, Sab, a transport is waiting outside to take him to the tunnels," Rabe says reentering the room. 

"HA HA HA!" Geranto suddenly yells from his position on the couch. "Like I'm going to believe that one. Very clever! Is this what we call revenge Awree?"

"You told him already?" Rabe says chuckling. "Didn't believe you did he?

"They never do," I say shaking my head. 

 "Hey, cocksucker," She says turning to Geranto. "We're taking you down soon."

"You're handmaidens?" he asks. 

"Yes, but I don't do what Rabe does. She does all the hair and that stuff. I'm First Handmaiden; they keep me around for protection purposes. " I tell him. "Time to go, take one last look at your place, you won't be seeing it for a long time." Rabe carefully but forcefully leads him to the door and down the hall to the transport waiting outside. 

It's my job to search the apartment and I look around wondering where to start.  This place has so many memories. To the left of me is the chair I sat in when he cleaned a cut on my knee. I remember how careful he was, how tender, and how he kissed it to make it all better. In the kitchen I remember when he tried to bake a cake. When I got there he had made a mess, used tons of supplies and was covered in batter… which made for some fun later on. Right outside his front door is where he kissed me for the first time. Right over there, on the floor, is where he told me he loved me after a big tickling fight. Maybe I never really loved him back, and maybe he never really loved me to begin with but it was fun pretending. 

"Hey, " I hear a soft voice from the door way. "Good work babe, it went perfectly," Rabe congratulates me. 

"Yeah, it went perfectly. Come on, lets get this over with so I can go home." I say solemnly. Rabe nods and we begin scanning the apartment wordlessly. 

An hour passes and I've searched and relived every moment I've had in this place when I hear Rabe calling. 

"Sabe, come here quickly, I think I've found something." Rabe yells from the closet.

"What is it?" I ask her. 

"Well it looks like it's a compartment of some kind, it's just kind of hidden back here behind some of his clothes," she says. She puts her hand onto the panel and it slides open revealing four bottles that look all too familiar. 

"What the hell are these doing here?" I blurt out. Rabe gives me a questioning glance. "Ok, I may be totally wrong but these look an awful lot like the "special medicine" that Dr. Humperlot injects me with," Rabe just stares at me and shakes her head.

"You are so weird, the stuff is clear, lots of things are clear. It's probably just some kind of drug we don't know about. I wouldn't be surprised to find that he's a dealer," Rabe says. 

"I'm in that office every other day, I think I would know what it looks like," I say frustrated.

"Ok, well it's weird either way, come on let's get these out of here and go home." Rabe says calmly. We grab the bottles and are just about to leave when one slips out of my hand and crashes to the floor. The cap pops open and the serum spills out over the floor. 

"Oops, sorry," I apologize to Rabe who looks very perturbed. I lean down to clean it up when a sudden tingling comes to the back of my throat. Not able to control myself I begin with a simple sneeze and quickly progress to an all out sneezing fit. 

"I'll clean it up, Sabe go wait outside." Rabe suggests.

"Ok, I'm SNEEZE really SNEEZE sorry about all SNEEZE this." I try to get out. Rabe just waves me off and I go out into the dark of hallway again. 


	5. The Mornin' After

SORRY, I have NO time and it sux!

"Don't look at me like that. I know you think I'm pathetic," I say to the expressive brown eyes staring up at me. "It's just that I'll never get over it if I don't get rid of everything," I receive a blank look and a frump as the owner of the eyes lies down next to me. 

            It's currently 5:00am. I normally don't wake up until 5:45 at the earliest, but today is different. Outside the sky is beginning to turn from black to a very eerie dark blue. Inside my apartment I'm sitting upright on my rather cold living room floor. Hot Jarab water lies next to me and is situated near various Geranto-related items that will eventually end up in a blue shoebox. I'm wearing only my sheer, cream, strappy nightgown. It might be the girliest thing that I've ever bought for myself. My blue robe has made its way to the floor and I've begun to use it as a type of mat making it comfortable to go about my task this morning. 

            "You've never been in love before, how could you possibly understand. I know it's earlier than I ever get up but trust me I'm fine. I'm just going to put all this stuff in the box and then I'll take it outside and get rid of it," I say. The brown eyes show excitement the moment I say "outside" and before I know it my very furry, very fat, rather sheep-like Yppup darts off my robe and runs toward the door leaving a trail of yellow fur in her wake. 

            "Klen will you please just wait, I'll take you out in a minute." I yell at her. She looks a little disappointed and lays her head on her paws.

            I ignore her and go about my project. Almost everything has already made its way into the box but the necklace in front of me is just too hard to get rid of. It's a length of silver, braided chains with a very blue pendent in the middle. It's not really my style, never has been, but I can't throw it away. I decide to take it outside with me to see how I feel when I heave the box over a waterfall and out of my life. 

            "Ok Klen, I'm coming, let me just get my robe on," I tell my now delighted animal having already found her leash.  I'm pulled down my steep, blue tiled stairs and out onto the stone river walk before I am able to think. Clutching my shoebox to my side Klen and I begin our walk to the small waterfall which has seen, heard, and often been the source of my comfort during many emotional battles. 

                     The sky is beautiful at this hour. The sun is just beginning its journey from behind our old and smooth mountains and everything takes on an eerie tint of blue. This is our favorite time of day. That is it is me and Klen's favorite time of day. We always take our walks early. I look at the necklace in my hand and notice that it is easy to compare the beautiful blue of the stone to that of the morning. I look down at my Yppup and have a laughable thought. 

                     "Hey Klen can you sit?" I half ask, half demand of her. She complies and looks up at me with those famous eyes. I swear they're human,  I wouldn't be surprised if she's really a  mute midget with a suit of gold fur. 

                     I take the necklace out of my hand and wrap it around Klenemtines collar. Leaning back I look at my handiwork and laugh. Rabe would be proud. 

                     Loud, fast, bitchy music does wonders for the soul. I'm talking about the stuff with lots of percussion and lyrics about women kicking ass, or better yet, driving men crazy. There's nothing like a low down, dirty, rock song to make you forget about conmen masquerading as ex-boyfriends. 

                     I step out of my apartment for the second time this morning and decide to walk to my underground transport. It's gorgeous and for the first time my sinuses aren't inflamed. No sunglasses for me today!  I find myself doing something I haven't done in a long time as I stroll over tiny curving bridges and down the riverside path. I find myself watching everything around me, not for danger, but for fine specimens of men. 

That's right, I'm lookin' for fresh man-meat. 

Sadly, there's none to be found. All that are out this early are venders, most are women, the rest are old wrinkly men. Not to worry though, there are plenty of guards at the palace to stare at. I smile and giggle as the magnitude of testosterone in that palace overwhelms me. 

                     I enter the prime shopping district and look around at all the people my age and younger as they walk around the "trendy" area. I walk towards the underground transport on a median between the two large speeder lanes that cut through this sector of Theed. Following the lead of many others I walk with the river of multicolored fabrics down the waterfall to the pool of people on the platform below.  The long hover car arrives, on schedule, and the march continues. 

                     In the hustle and bustle I am able to create a tiny branch and sneak off to a small hallway leading to the bathrooms. Nobody follows me and I am grateful that I don't have to sit and wait today. Pulling a device out of my bag I check the surrounding area to make sure that I'm not being watched. To my dismay the device vibrates softly in my hand to signal a coming Janitor that I had not sensed before. 

                     "Excuse me sir, could you please help me?" I ask sweetly as he rounds the corner.

                     "Of course love," he replies with a huge smile. 

                     "Well um, you see I don't often travel over this way and I was just wondering which way it was to the bathrooms. I see the Men's but for the life of me I can't find the women's.  I'm so stupid, it's just that I didn't get much sleep last night and I'm afraid that my boss might fire me today if I'm late again, yet here I am having to go to the bathroom and getting lost. Silly me!" I exclaim and plaster a pathetic look on my face.

                     "Well miss, I'm sorry about all that. The bathrooms are down that way. I wish there was something else I could do." He says in a kind manner. 

                     "Oh no sir, you've helped me very much, thank you!" I smile. He turns and enters the Men's bathroom and I check my device again. This time no vibrating and I enter my key code. The dull, locked door to my right opens quickly and I hop in just before it closes. Inside is an elevator and I push the button marked MAIN. The transport jerks slightly and begins its slide down into the OTHER underground of Theed.  I smile to myself remembering the time before I knew about it. I had always wondered what those random doors in basements and hallways led to. You know the ones that are ALWAYS locked and appear to be yet another closet. As much as my job annoys me it is sometimes very gratifying that I'm trusted with secrets that the general public can't handle. It makes me feel special.

                     The doors open and I'm confronted with a very different scene than the one just yards above.  

I know I suck at updating and I know I suck at giving you endings to chapters that don't piss ya off, but ya know what DEAL, hehehee sorry I love you


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